Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
