I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
