So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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