I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
