Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize