Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
