I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize