I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
