Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
