if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
