he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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