how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
