Sry I called you an 8
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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