Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
