Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
