oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i think my cat just said my name.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
