New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
