I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
