I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
