Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
