One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize