What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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