I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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