Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
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