Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
