wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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