I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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