What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
