Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize