he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
