Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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