you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize