I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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