My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
