I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
