I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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