Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
