is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
