everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
