I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
