wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
