At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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