Do you still have your period?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
