Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize