...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
