he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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