She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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