32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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