remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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