You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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