Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
