i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
