you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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