I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
