she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize