I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
