3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
