The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
