My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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