Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
