I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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