saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize