i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
