I feel like abortions should bother me more
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
