is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
