yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
