I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize