when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
