12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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