i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
