It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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