dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
