Pants 0. Shit 1.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
