Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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