she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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