you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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