i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
