I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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