i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
