Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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