Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
