In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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