how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
