4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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