Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize