YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
