i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
