Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
