I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize