My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
