I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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