I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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