She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
