I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
