she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize