Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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