Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
