TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
