Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
