Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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