did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
