its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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