I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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