There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Come see our sink grown plant.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
