my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
