Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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