her vagine was all disorganized.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
