Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
